It was late on a Friday night.

I was sitting on the couch, eating some Himalayan salt potato chips, and watching Welcome to Wrexham.

The phone rang and I didn’t recognize the number.

Now, with the absurd number of spam calls, I don’t usually answer the phone from an unknown number.

But, it was in the same area code as my mom and I felt some kind of compulsion to answer.

“Hello?”
“Is this Kevin Procter?”
“Yes.”
“My name is X from the coroner’s office.”
“Oh no…”
“I’m so sorry to tell you this, but we responded to an incident with your mother and she has passed.”

And then time stopped. At least for me. That was Friday, September 22.

All the phone calls, texts, and DMs with family and friends to share the tragic news. All the communication with lawyers and officials to start the probate process. Starting grief counseling.

And I’ve still been going to the gym regularly. But it looks very different than before two weeks ago.

I’m not chasing gains. I’m not trying to hit PRs. I’m not attempting new, unconventional movements.

My only goal is two-fold:

1. Maintaining something normal in my daily routine
2. Promoting mental health

The first day or so, I tried to push myself at the same intensity and my CNS (central nervous system) couldn’t take the stress. My heart would start racing, I’d get an overwhelming sense of anxiety, and I’d start crying on the gym floor.

I need strength training for my physical and mental well-being, but grief does weird things to people. It looks different for everyone and there is no wrong/right way to do it.

When you experience significant loss, I encourage you to:

1. Move your body. Even if it’s just walking outside for 10 minutes to get some fresh air and sunshine. Vitamin D does wonders for your mental and physical health.
2. Listen to your body, mind, and heart. If you can’t push yourself to the max or stay super consistent that is 100% OK. You’ll get back in the swing of things eventually.
3. Let people in. This is not the time for isolation or a silent mediation retreat. I don’t care how badass or tough you are. You need people around you who love you to hold you up. If they were hurting, you’d want to help them. Let them help you now.
4. Don’t rush it. Grief is different for everyone. There is no timeline. There are different stages and you might jump all over the place. That is OK. Some days you’ll be fine and then it just hits you like a rogue wave.
5. Talk to a professional. Just like you seek out experts in fitness, nutrition, business, and medicine, find a professional to talk to. It helps to talk with a disconnected, unbiased third party. They are impartial and there to help you through the process.
6. Don’t hold back. If you stuff the sadness, anger, confusion, and brokenness into a box and don’t let it out, you’ll eventually snap and leave a wake of destruction around you. Let yourself feel sad. Let yourself feel angry. Let your feelings flow through you and release them.

I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone, but loss is a certainty for all of us.

I’m not an expert in it. I wasn’t prepared for it. I’m still working through it.

I pray that when it happens to you, that you feel the comfort of God, and the support of family and friends who love you.

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Move your body.
Clear your mind.
Repeat.

Keep up the good work!
-KC

​@KCProcter​ Gym Dad, Coffee Drinker, LEGO collector

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P.S. Call or text someone and tell them what they mean to you.